Brenda McGaw wasn’t alone when she spoke to St. Albert Public school trustees earlier this month. Her late daughter, Shea-Lynn, was with her.
“This is my daughter, Shea-Lynn,” she said, holding up a picture of her daughter.
“She was one of your students.”
McGaw was one of about 10 people at a St. Albert Public school board meeting Sept. 20 to speak on the division’s new guidelines on school memorials.
The guidelines state that permanent memorials in schools shall not be established as they can hinder the process of grief and impact students at risk of suicide. Division staff are now working to remove all permanent memorials from schools, including one to Shea-Lynn McGaw at Lorne Akins, in consultation with affected families.
The McGaw family and others have criticized the guidelines as hurtful to the friends and families of students who have died.
McGaw said staff and students at Sir Alexander Mackenzie and Lorne Akins schools established memorials for Shea-Lynn of their own volition as a way to deal with their grief. She said she found the new guidelines on memorials traumatizing.
“People always say losing a child is the worst pain a person can experience, but they really have no idea,” she said to the board, her voice choked with emotion.
“Unless you’ve been through it, you have no idea.”
Guidelines questioned
McGaw questioned the guideline’s position that permanent memorials caused trauma, arguing that they instead created important opportunities for staff and students to talk about grief.
“It is not memorials that hinder the process of grief,” she said.
“It is a lack of adequate support and guidance that hinders the process of grief.”
Aiden McGaw, Shea-Lynn’s brother, told the board that removing memorials was “disrespectful” and “hurtful,” adding that some 1,100 people had signed his online petition calling for all memorials in St. Albert Public schools to be left in place.
“Do you want the future students to feel they will never be remembered?” he asked.
Shirlene Sexton told the board about the memorial bench installed at Ronald Harvey after her daughter Carly died in 1993. She said the division’s plans to remove plaques from outdoor memorials such as this one as a result of the guidelines amounted to defacing them. She also questioned the guideline’s stance on memorials as traumatizing.
“Families do not install school memorials as a reminder their child died, but rather as a reminder they lived,” she said.
McGaw called on the board to pause and review its rollout of the guidelines.
“We deserve no less.”
Board responds
Board chair Kim Armstrong invited the speakers to meet with St. Albert Public superintendent Krimsen Sumners to discuss the guidelines.
“One of the things we know is grief and loss of loved ones and children or grandchildren live with you, and so our hearts are with you,” Armstrong said.
In an email written on behalf of the board, St. Albert Public spokesperson Paula Power said that while schools have previously hosted photo or shadow box memorials, those memorials were typically removed at a specified date, such as when the student would have ordinarily graduated.
“They were never intended to remain in the schools forever.”
Power said some more recent memorials were installed without transition dates, and that the division planned to talk with the affected families to find appropriate dates for removal.
“Grandfathering (not removing) existing memorials within our schools would go against what we’ve learned about grief and trauma from experts in the field,” she continued, citing research by the Coalition to Support Grieving Students (which says permanent memorials can cause resentment or be vandalized) and the U.S. Department of Education (which notes that permanent memorials can re-traumatize staff and students long after a traumatic event takes place).
Power said the division had intended to reach out to affected families over several months to discuss moving in-school memorials elsewhere.
“It was never our intention for families to find out this information via the media and through misinformation in the community. Unfortunately, the way this situation unfolded has caused additional distress to families who are already grieving, which we all sincerely regret.”
Power said the district will continue to work with area families on in-school memorials.
“There is no timeline and we will respect what families are comfortable with, as was always the plan.”
