I read the article on ending domestic violence by Amy Crofts. The researcher Dr. Amy Kaler tells us that we must work to ensure gender equality. There are inroads in that direction happening. However, as to alleviating domestic violence, my warranty will expire before anything like that happens.
More than 50 years ago, I belonged to a group of women who discussed shelters for battered women. Our hypothesis was, the concept of shelters for battered women was bass ackward. The batterers were men 90 per cent of the time. Their wives having to flee the family home, sleeping on narrow cots in a shelter trying to comfort their hysterical children made us wonder where the justice was.
The solution we came up with was to build shelters for the men. The women and children would stay in the comfort of the home. The perpetrator would go to a shelter where he would return each evening after work. His salary would be garnisheed and divided into payments for his board and room with the bulk of the paycheque going to his wife for the running of the home.
There would be no TV or other enjoyable pursuits at the shelter for him. As part of his sentence, his evenings would be taken up sitting through lectures on how to treat women. He would watch documentaries on how debilitating his behaviour is to his family. He would watch scenarios where actors bullied and controlled their cringing spouses. He would take classes on anger management and be asked after each episode how he thought he could make love to his wife and then beat her senseless. He would be made to feel ashamed of his actions. He would be taught that he could not blame his actions on alcohol or her. He would be required to wear an ankle bracelet so his parole officer could track him. Assault and battery is a crime. After spending six months to a year in the shelter, he no doubt would have an attitude adjustment. Our group didn't believe anything else would work.
Then we talked about prominent men in the community who were batterers. We all knew about the famous Edmonton obstetrician who bullied and beat his wife for years until the children were raised and then kicked her out with nothing, telling the authorities she was insane. Wife batterers are both white and blue collar. Our group went to university with the ex-wives of two psychiatrists who told us of the horror that took place in their homes. We discussed the suicide of a friend who had been disfigured by her well-known husband after she had worked for years to put him through university. These were not aboriginal men. Do you think any of the above would allow the idea of a shelter for men to begin? No, they're powerful.
Domestic violence is universal and is not going to go away by itself. There are seven billion people in the world and at least 50 per cent of these are women. So how long are women going to put with this? I personally haven't seen any progress in 50 years.
MaryAlice Arial, St. Albert
