The initial reaction to the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters’ survey that showed one in 10 men still think it’s OK to hit women was both predictable and interesting.
Many women and women’s groups had the “yeah, sure, same old aggressive, testosterone-driven males” reaction, while most men – the nine of 10 who don’t think it’s OK to hit women or children – cringed at yet another report painting men as Neanderthals.
But then came comments from the St. Albert RCMP and Stop Abuse In Families (SAIF), to give the study a more honest balance.
Don’t focus on the one bad apple, but the nine good ones, said RCMP Cpl. Laurel Kading.
And don’t forget that there’s also a percentage of women who think it’s OK to hit men and children, said Doreen Slessor of the SAIF Society.
This from two people on the front line, who actually have to deal with domestic violence, so they would know the reality of the situation.
And the reality is that even today, after decades of different groups and individuals pushing for a non-violent lifestyle, there are still people – male and female – who take the easy way out by striking back with violence.
Think about this.
This survey dealt with today’s adults who mostly grew up with Sesame Street, I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners or, later, The Cosby Show, Happy Days and Cheers. Yes, there was the odd smack or verbal threat on the programs but they were mostly passive shows. And still one in 10 adult males think it’s OK to hit.
By contrast, today’s youths are growing up with video games, television shows and movies that glamorize violence and make heroes out of those who win through physical abuse. Not exactly what we want to be teaching our younger generation.
Subjected to that type of desensitizing violence on a daily basis, how would today’s youth respond to a similar survey? There are already signs that domestic violence is increasing, despite all the education and the programs available.
In St. Albert alone last year the RCMP dealt with 269 reports – that’s five every week – of domestic violence, up disturbingly from 2009 when there were 217 reports.
Which could mean domestic violence is increasing, or people are now reporting it more. Whichever it is, those reports also deal almost exclusively with physical violence. What about the verbal or emotional abuse that is rarely reported? It’s a different kind of abuse, but abuse just the same and the type that is easily inflicted by both sexes.
The real problem arises when there are children involved. No matter what side of the issue one stands on when it comes to spanking on the bum to discipline a child, everyone has to agree it is the children who are the ones most affected emotionally in an abusive household.
Every time Dad hits Mom (or vice versa), or every time there’s a yelling argument between the two adults, it’s the child who’s emotionally scarred.
And for that there is no excuse for any adult who resorts to violence.
