Anybody can come up with a New Year’s resolution. Most are so banal, in the order of losing weight, exercising more often and promising to be a little more pleasant to those with whom you share the daily grind, whether at home or at work. Unbelievably, it’s already nearly halfway through the first month of 2016 and if you haven’t already started your new routine down the pathway to self-improvement, chances are it ain’t going to happen. In other words, this year will be like any other.
So this editorial is not going to patronize you with great ideas on how to eat kale, drink designer juices, stretch before running, or join a book club. These are all positive pursuits, no doubt, to those who think that way. Instead, we’d like to make some personal suggestions on changes we’d like to see other people make in the next year to make life more pleasant for the rest of us.
If you text while driving down the Henday slowing to 60 km/h, please drive home, sell your car and take the bus in the future. You are truly that annoying to everyone around you, not to mention selfish and dangerous.
If you have a small dog, please train it to walk on the leash properly. You might think all of that straining and gnashing of teeth is cute, but it is really just obnoxious – like parents of babies that cry in restaurants.
If you are the prime minister of Canada, please try to remember to visit the province that has buttered the national bread for the past decade. Justin Trudeau has not been to Edmonton or Fort McMurray once since being elected. If there ever was a good time for Alberta to hear a sunny pep talk, it is now.
If you believe in wild, unproven conspiracy theories, you are probably obtuse, so keep them to yourselves. We don’t care if they involve the Illuminati, Rachel Notley, the Kennedy assassination or beekeepers. (Beekeepers? Yes, haven’t you heard?).
If you are one of those people who think that sharing every personal detail of your life on social media is interesting, think again. Believe it or not, it is possible that not everyone shares your enthusiasm for your vacation, lunch, engagement or thoughts of the day. Also please consider, that just because they don’t take time to look at your Facebook page, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them.
Speaking of social media, do any of us really need to be reminded when one of the close, special people who once visited our LinkedIn page has recently celebrated their one-year anniversary at the current job?
If you like to talk loudly on your cell in public places, such as in supermarket aisles, whether you wear one of those pretentious head-sets or not, please stop. It is just irritating and nobody will think highly of you.
If you do something really special for people, like taking an extra shift or coming over to paint the fence, please continue. However, if you are one of those people who do something nice, and then wait around for a pat on the back after doing it, please stay home. Most people would rather paint a fence than put up with another do-gooder with a martyr complex. It is just so cloying.
Finally, if you like to force your petty unsolicited opinions onto others who are pretty good at getting through life without you, please give your mouth (or fingers) a rest. With that point, it is time to shut up.
