Cementing holiday traditions doesn’t happen as suddenly as the winter snowfall, young adults say.
Uncovering ways to hang on to old rituals while exploring new ones, and managing to see family members with limited holiday time — often while transitioning between cities, apartments, jobs, and partners — means the holidays involve a lot of moving parts for those in their 20s and 30s.
When Tanvi Mohile moved to Edmonton from Mumbai in 2018 to study english and film studies as a PhD student at the University of Alberta, she and her husband Aalap didn’t invest much time into continuing their most major tradition from back home: the celebration of Diwali.
“It was way more toned down when we came to Canada,” Mohile said. “I think the most we did was put lights up in our balcony or in our window, and have little lamps in our house. We didn’t really cook anything special or buy sweets.”
Diwali follows the India lunar calendar, and is observed on the 15th day of the eighth month (Kartik). This year, Diwali began on Oct. 24. On the main day of the festival, Mohile said families gather together for Lakshmi puja, a day to pray to the Goddess Lakshmi who can grant wealth and prosperity.
“In our case, we basically pray to computers for giving us the means to earn the money that we need, and pray for health and wealth,” Mohile said.
Growing up, sharing food with family was one important way of marking the holiday’s beginning, Mohile said.
“My mom would start preparing the food a few days before the festival began, but we wouldn’t actually eat anything until that first breakfast,” Mohile said.
While Mohile doesn’t mind cooking, the intensive preparation didn’t make it to her priority list until this year when her son Kapi was born, and her dad and sister came from India to visit during Diwali.
“I’ve realized that because Kapi won’t be able to be with his family in India, except for on phone calls, it will be important for me to connect back to those traditions,” Mohile said.
Now, making some of the more time-consuming dishes, such as Chakli, a savoury ring made of soft dough mixed with masala and other spices, are activities that have taken on renewed importance, Mohile said.
In addition to connecting back to traditions from home, Mohile wants her son to develop a connection to Christmas.
“Even if we don’t celebrate it in the same way, it will be important to think about what this time of the year means for us,” she said.
Ramya Prabhu, an economics undergraduate student, also moved to Canada from India. Prabhu said she had a little bit more experience with Christmas before she moved in 2018.
“My family didn’t celebrate Christmas, but the spirit was always there because our neighbours did,” Prabhu said, describing a large candlelight vigil on Christmas Eve at a nearby church. “It was beautiful, almost like this sea of floating lights on a mountain.”
Since Prabhu was young, late December has always been carved out for retreat and connection, as it was the time of the year when school exams ended. While the respite would arrive without much effort when she was younger, however, Prabhu recalled one moment earlier in her undergraduate degree when her exams ran late and most of her friends had already left campus.
“I learned not to underestimate how important it is to be around family this time of year,” Prabhu said. “It really hit me that December can also be a very lonely time when I was watching everyone else leave to go home."
Though Prabhu won’t be travelling home to India this year, she said she’s excited to spend the holiday season visiting with a friend in Calgary. She said one of her favourite holiday activities is driving around and noticing the Christmas lights and the colour they bring to the stark white snow.
“For me personally, the holidays have become a time where I get to take back moments that would otherwise be for academia or work, and spend them exactly how I want to,” Prabhu said. “It gives me energy to go back to the next year without the experience of being burned out.”
Roni Wolach, a conservation biology master’s student at the University of Alberta, celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah growing up. Looking to wrap up her degree, she recently moved to rural Ontario with her partner Kyle to enjoy peace in the outdoors.
During her undergraduate degree at the University of Guelph, Wolach said she would typically fly home for the holidays, but said scheduling conflicts in recent years have made this more difficult.
One year, Wolach flew to Calgary to be with her family and Kyle’s half-brother. In other years, the two visited New York city, where Kyle’s family is from.
“I wanted to have it on a three-year rotation of seeing his parents, then my parents, then a year for just us,” Wolach said.
This year, a last-minute invitation to New York to be with Kyle’s family means Wolach will have to skip the third part of her rotation. While she’s excited for the trip, Wolach said she still wants to ensure there is time in the future to cement traditions that can be passed down to her future children.
“I personally want to have some traditions that are just [Kyle's and mine], so later when we have kids and the inevitable day comes when they don’t want to do Christmas, we have something to do,” Wolach said.
Some of these Christmas traditions could include exchanging books on Christmas Eve and reading together into the night, then going skiing on Christmas day, and collaborating on crossword puzzles, Wollach said.
As for Hanukkah traditions, this year was Wolach’s first time making her own way. Just as her parents did when she was growing up, Wolach invited her new Ontarian neighbours over and made sufganiyot (jelly donuts).
“I stumbled through the Hebrew [blessings],” Wolach laughed. “I told myself it was fine, the neighbours wouldn’t be able to tell.”
Wolach said the biggest challenge of navigating the holiday season has been managing familial and societal expectations of what the holidays should look like, but noted she feels hopeful about forging her own way.
“I’m still very optimistic,” Wolach said. “There will be a point, hopefully sooner than later, where I’ll find a good balance between the different stages people are at in their lives.”
