Sexual assault recovery: strength in numbers

Sexual assaults are like a social cancer. Both can happen to anybody and happen suddenly. Both can devastate your health and enjoyment of life, and these implications radiate outwards to affect other people in the victim's social and family circle. There is also a stigma. The emotional after-effects cause many of these people to turn inwards so that no one can see their pain and blame them for their plight, as so often happens.

The people in this photograph are all members of the Sexual Assault Survivors Support group (SASS) offered by the Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton (SACE). They asked not to be identified because they need their privacy more than ever. While we can't see their faces to determine exactly who they are, it's more important to think of them anonymously. Pretend that it's your sister, girlfriend, wife or mother in the picture. Picture it's you.

For that matter, pretend it's your brother or uncle or your child. No one is immune and the person who needs the help the most is most often the one who shuns it. The fact that these people sought help from the comfort of others and are still willing to talk about it is inspiring. They are now their own agents of self-empowerment. Some of them don't even have the encouragement or understanding of their own families but here they are to tell their story so that others will know that they are not alone. Help is there if they just reach their hands out.

The elephant in the room

Sexual assault is any form of sexual contact without voluntary consent and the statistics are staggering. Representatives from SACE recite their standard line that one in three women and one in six men will experience a sexual assault before they even reach the age of 18, but only 10 per cent are ever reported. In St. Albert there were only a few dozen reports in the last year so the number of unreported incidents could be much higher. The vast majority of perpetrators are someone the survivor knows.

Only 10 per cent of reported sexual assaults ever go to trial and then 10 per cent of those ever result in a successful prosecution. This all means that while talking about the assault does not always provide justice, sometimes it is all that can provide any sense of comfort. Silence does worse than nothing. Communication is the key.

One of the members of SASS identified only as Shirley stated that she even bought into the faulty logic of responsibility. "I blamed me, not [him]," she wrote, adding that she was so ashamed that she only told one person. "I hid it. I kept my secret close. I lived in fear."

It was only after going in for group therapy that she realized how she fell into a common trap and learned how prevalent the problem is.

"If everyone reported sexual assault, it would shock society. If you are reading this and you have been assaulted, please know that it is not your burden to carry."

Breaking through walls

Even the staff members at SACE face their own struggle to shed light on this difficult subject. They don't even offer tips for people to guide their own behaviour because that subtly makes it seem like the victims themselves are culpable.

Pragya Sharma, director of public education at SACE, explained that the most pervasive and incorrect myth is "anything that puts any sort of blame on the person who experiences the assault. I think the most important thing is for them to recognize is it's not their fault and to do whatever it is that will take care of themselves."

All that the people in the picture really want is to tell everyone else that they are not alone, that you don't have to live forever in the strange and dark room in your mind with only your fears to keep you company.

If you are assaulted, you can talk about it. It's not your fault any more than people will blame you for having your car stolen. Even if it you haven't been assaulted, talk about it with the people you care about. This is a part of our society and talking can help change things or at least make it better.

The 24-hour SACE crisis line is 780-423-2121. All of their services are free. They provide crisis intervention, counselling and public education presentations upon request.