Michael Westover was just 26 when he died in a tragic vehicle crash one year ago. An unexpected death could have long-term, disastrous effects on those left behind. Instead of letting that happen, Michael’s family, along with his fiancĂ© and her family, decided to commemorate his life by helping to make the lives of others better.
This is their story, written by his mother, Charlene.
The Orphanage that Michael Built - Channelling Our Grief
Michael Oliver Wade Westover
Sept. 26, 1984 – Nov. 13, 2010
Death brings you a choice.
It can lead you to the edge of the abyss.
Or you can build a bridge to span the chasm.
– Earl Grollman
Our son died a year ago and we miss him terribly. He had an engaging smile and loved to tease. When he couldn’t find something he’d look at me suspiciously and say, “Mom, have you Charlinized my stuff again?”
Michael graduated with honours from Paul Kane High School in June 2002. He attended Queen’s University and then two years of medical school in Ireland. He loved to play hockey and was a true Oiler fan.
Michael and his fiancĂ©e, Keisha St. Arnaud, were building a home together and making plans for their wedding in July 2011. Like us, he loved Keisha dearly and described her as “the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Living when you have lost a loved one, quite simply, is your life before and your life after. Grief is very hard work and our bridge building is finding a way to have something good result from a terrible tragedy and devastating loss. For our family, “life after” is unfolding by choosing events that we can plan, train for and accomplish together.
The events began easily enough with the HypoHalf Marathon in Edmonton last February but intensified thereafter.
In the spring, Michael’s sister Rachelle, a third year medical student, finalized her plans to do a medical elective in Africa, through Work The World. Nursing volunteer work was available, and Keisha, an operating room nurse, Michael’s cousin Arryl Finlay, an emergency room nurse, and his sister Chayne, a nursing student, embraced the chance to help. Their placements were at the impoverished Mount Meru community hospital in Arusha, Tanzania.
Before leaving for Tanzania, Rachelle discovered the Paradiso orphanage in Arusha and suggested raising funds to support it. Keisha recommended Ryan’s Well Foundation; a Canadian organization striving to help with the global water and sanitation crisis in the developing world.
How to raise funds for the two organizations in memory of Michael became the quest. It had to involve training, teamwork, a challenge and some fun.
Attempting to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania became the fundraising event. To put it all together, we developed a website we call “MOWW” (Make Our World Well) www.moww.cc, so family and friends could follow our journey and donate to our chosen causes. We received invaluable help and encouragement, including MOWW T-shirts, postcards, posters and donations to the 50-pound box of medical supplies for Mount Meru hospital. At the end of their hospital placements, I joined the girls for the six-day climb.
Living with the reality of losing Michael is in some ways like our final ascent to Uhuru Peak, the highest point of Mount Kilimanjaro: a slow persevering climb through the night.
“On the 5th day of hiking we reach Barafu Hut (4,662 metres) and are ready at midnight to begin the challenging, six-hour final ascent to the top,” Charlene wrote on the MOWW blog. “Our headlamps cut through the blackness and point the way. At this altitude, the body is more easily affected by the cold; it’s only minus 15 C, but toes and fingers threaten to go numb. Within a few hours we pass people vomiting, and everyone fears the possibility of pulmonary or cerebral edema. It’s a minute-by-minute mental effort to suppress feelings of nausea and cold and just keep moving forward.
“Hoses from our water bags freeze and we stop and pull them from our packs, remove the caps and drink directly from the bags. Hydrating well is crucial. Keisha gets a nosebleed and Chayne’s toes are so numb that we remove her boots and add foot-warming pads. Advil is taken to dull the headaches.
“Soon after, Arryl begins the first of numerous episodes of vomiting. We worry about each other and hope that the nausea and mild feelings of disorientation won’t progress to something more serious.
“I know the stars were exquisite that night, so far from city lights, but it’s one bright star suspended above the crater rim, that we focus on. It’s 5 a.m. when we approach Stella’s Point (5,752 m), the rim of the crater. We are relieved, knowing we’ve made it this far and Uhuru is only 45 minutes away.
”Soon after leaving Stella’s Point, we sense the blackness of the sky softening. The sky is a deep shade of blue as we approach the sign marking the highest point of the crater rim, Uhuru Peak (5,895 m). We made it! We take a group photo at 6 a.m. July 9 in the early morning light. The glacier is beautiful. The sunrise is beautiful. The girls are beautiful.”
Arryl said the climb was both the most difficult and best experience of her life.
“I got altitude sickness on the day we hit the summit, so for three hours till we hit the peak I was dry heaving/vomiting while hiking,” she wrote. “Worst feeling ever, but I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t give up, but trust me I wanted to. I am so glad I persevered, but it took every ounce of strength not to break down and give up.”
On this same day, two of Michael’s best friends, Kurt McLeod and Lee St. Arnaud completed a nine-hour hike to a mountain peak in Banff, and the first Westover great-grandchild was born. This is the day that Michael and Keisha were to be married.
We believe Michael was with us on that final ascent and each of us, in our own way, felt his presence. But the most precious gift Michael has given us is a strengthening of so many bonds of friendship and love. As difficult as this journey is, we are so grateful for the spark of light and goodness from MOWW.
“Michael watched us conquer a mountain, build an orphanage, and create an unforgettable memory. Something beautiful came from a tragedy — a family received a home. Although our family may feel broken, we only lost the physical being of Michael — his spirit will forever live on in us, in Mount Kilimanjaro, and in every child who sleeps under the Paradiso roof.” – Arryl Finlay, Aug. 15, 2011.
Many generous people have joined the MOWW team by donating to Ryan’s Well and the new Paradiso orphanage in Arusha. MOWW raised $7,750 for the Ryan’s Well project in Uganda. The Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) is tripling all donations to this project.
MOWW raised $16,212 towards the new orphanage. Further donations will go towards building a fence around the new home and the dream of enabling all of the children to receive a full education. Donations can be made by visiting our website at www.moww.cc.
On Sunday the group will meet for a 10-mile run and a pot-luck supper to both remember Michael’s day and to begin preparing for the next planned team event, next May’s St. Albert RunWild.
Then they will go to the UNICEF website and each of them will purchase, in Michael’s honour, a colour — different shades of blue, as part of UNICEF’s Own A Colour fundraising program.
“A dear friend of mine purchased a colour for Michael,” said Charlene. “We encourage friends of Michael’s who are feeling sad on Nov. 13 to do the same.”
“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” – Charles Beard
