The Force is asleep

At the beginning, I should point out that there are no spoilers contained herein although it should be mentioned that any support of this movie is a vote in favour of endless merchandising and imperial consumerism. Sure, the fan base on this bastard child of Disney and nostalgia has already spat out close to $1 billion in box office receipts proving that people are suckers for a good story and total slaves to a great one. But how will you feel sitting in the theatre, waiting for the film to finally – FINALLY! – start when there are close to 10 minutes of commercials for such products as Star Wars phones, toys, laptops and makeup?

If you are like me in any way, you’ll feel like a chump, a midlife nerd with an overarching fondness for the movies of his childhood and an overriding fear that modern Hollywood just doesn’t understand. You’re afraid that Disney is going to take your heroes, squeeze every last dollar out of them, and then repackage them with new costumes.

And you wouldn’t be wrong. The Star Wars universe might be in the loving hands of the House of Mouse now and J.J. Abrams might indeed be the biggest fanboy in the galaxy, but make no mistake about this new movie. Star Wars: The Force Awakens makes every attempt to placate the masses with its old characters and props, its practical effects and scenes that hearken back to a cinema a long, long time ago. And then, in a CG heartbeat, it throws in something that reminds you that you’re not a child any more, that movies just ain’t what they used to be, and that this just ain’t the Star Wars that you knew and loved. Certainly these are all the elements that appease younger modern audiences too. There’s something for everybody in a way.

Sitting in the audience, we all know that we’re being played. The Force Awakens on its own isn’t that bad of a movie, but it’s still hard to take all of the desert planets and unlikely heroes, the snotty brats and unnecessary pieces of dialogue that ensure we all get all the right feelings of the right episodes that are close to our heart. When Han says that he can talk his way out of anything, Chewie grumbles to remind him of an old foe named Greedo. Yuks, yes, but yucky yuks. Why not just move on?

In this movie we get some new heroes and villains mixed in with the old. There’s a new kind of Dark Side army called the First Order with Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), General Hux (Domnhall Gleeson) and Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) at the top of the food chain.

On the good side, there’s the new Resistance to counter. Finn (John Boyega) finds himself allied with Rey (Daisy Ridley), a desert planet scavenger who has heard all of the old myths of Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). Our old Jedi friend has become a lost legend 30 years after Return of the Jedi. Rey’s not all that keen on adventure, but adventure finds her in the globular shape of BB-8, a droid with some secret information stashed away for just the right person to find it.

Yes. There are many references to A New Hope but what is lost is the import. Star Destroyers come and go without the ominousness of their presence. Kylo Ren doesn’t have the cold restraint of Darth Vader, instead letting his childish temper get the better of him. He cuts through computer panels with his light sabre every time something doesn’t go his way. And the Starkiller Base – this movie’s improvement on the Death Star – can destroy multiple planets at one shot yet the characters hardly bat an eye at it.

And that’s why I hardly batted an eye at this screening. If the characters don’t even care, and the filmmakers don’t even care, then why should I?