There are some people who are preparing for 2011 by carefully marking out birthdays and holidays on their calendars. For some, release dates of much anticipated movies are no exception.
Certainly there is a large segment of the population that really looks forward to mapping out their entertainment year. For them, here is a handy guide to help you decide how much of Nicolas Cage you really want to see.
The illustrious master of manic acting will start January off with a little something called Season of the Witch, a movie you might suspect is about a witch accused of being the source of the Black Plague. Crusader Cage comes in to transport her to meet her fate while confronting all manner of mythological menaces along the way. Could co-stars Ron Perlman and Christopher Lee be among the threats? We shall see starting Friday, Jan. 7 – Cage's 47th birthday.
He returns only a month later with Drive Angry (Feb. 25), a story about a bad dead dude who escapes from hell to track down the jerk who killed his daughter and kidnapped her child. He'll get the job done too but Satan's accountant is trying to drag him back down first. There will certainly be a lot of cars, crashes and evil guns getting fired.
If you like cars and guns with more humour, then Green Hornet (Jan. 14) is your best bet. Ingenious director Michel Gondry puts Seth Rogen in the driver's seat as another rich guy turned superhero with cool gadgets. Cameron Diaz co-stars but it's Jay Chou as Kato that has most of my attention.
Of course, Cars 2 (June 24) is a few years overdue but will surely satisfy children needing their cartoon fix. A few other animated features look promising, including Kung Fu Panda 2 (May 27) and Rango (March 4), a movie from the team that brought us three intolerable and interminable Pirates of the Caribbeans – director Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp. Hopefully Rango is more enjoyable than they were.
Aliens abound
The aftertaste of Skyline still lingers bitterly but all lovers of aliens and UFOs will be excited to see the line-up of otherworldly stories lined up for our enjoyment.
Apollo 18 (March 4) will take a look at the real NASA mission that ended up being cancelled, much to the delight of conspiracy enthusiasts throughout the galaxy. Battle: Los Angeles (a.k.a. World Invasion: Battle LA, out on March 11) will be a special effects intensive war film about a marine platoon squaring off against little green men attacking the West Coast. Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez are two of the lucky soldiers.
Super 8 (June 10) is from writer-director J.J. Abrams, the same guy who thought that Cloverfield was a good idea. This is another in the same 'found footage' genre, this time with a mysterious shipment from Area 51 going awry. It's meant to pay homage to the good alien movies of the 1970s and 80s with a special nod to Steven Spielberg, the guy who brought us E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And War of the Worlds. Abrams doesn't do anything small as he works his way up to becoming the next Michael Bay.
Speaking of Bay, Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1) will undoubtedly feature a lot of alien robots, explosions and alien robot explosions. Let the headaches begin … now.
Just when you thought a series was over, it's not over
Though they do pretty well, many people wish Transformers would just go away. There are some other film series that we all thought were already done. Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (Aug. 19) comes eight years after the third edition. Why? Good question. That's still better than Scream 4 (April 15) with an 11-year difference from its last outing.
But nothing makes me scratch my head as much as Final Destination 5 (Aug. 26). Two years ago, we had The Final Destination. I don't know why I thought that was actually going to be the final Final Destination movie. At least 2011 won't bring us a new Saw.
Out of left field
Some releases are baffling, especially the unnecessary remakes of such cult classics like The Mechanic (Jan. 28), Conan the Barbarian (Aug. 19), Fright Night (Aug. 19) and Footloose (Oct. 14). At least Arthur (April 8) has excellent casting with Russell Brand as the rich drunken lout.
While remakes are irksome, Rise of the Apes (June 24) is a reinvention of the Planet of the Apes series. This time we go back to the beginning to explore how a bunch of primates took over in the first place. James Franco plays a scientist looking for a cure for Alzheimer's disease by conducting animal tests. Someday someone will write a screenplay about a scientist looking to cure intolerance of bad movies by subjecting an audience to a movie about talking apes.
Guilty pleasures
Speaking of Franco, he also co-hosts the Oscars before going into the medieval past in Your Highness (April 8). He plays Prince Fabious who must go on a quest with his lazy brother Thadeous (Danny McBride). There will be laughs aplenty but don't expect it to win many awards.
Sucker Punch (March 25) is Zack Snyder's return to a CG landscape like 300. A young woman tries to escape from a mental institution by retreating into her own fantasies. There, in her thoughts, she battles beasts and bad guys alike. Snyder described it as "Alice in Wonderland with machine guns." He wasn't kidding.
Many people are anxious for more ridiculous hi-jinx in The Hangover Part II (May 26) but I'm keen for a firm release date on Super Troopers 2. Neither is very mature but the humour of the Broken Lizard troupe is slightly more sophisticated.
Not List
It doesn't matter if Thor (May 6) is written by Kenneth Branagh and has Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman in it. Superheroes are so 2008, especially since they follow a formula more reliable than the recipe for Coke. Also none of them are women. When will Wonder Woman get her own movie? Ever? Hollywood can keep Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22), Green Lantern (June 17) and X-Men: First Class (June 3) too for that matter.
I feel much the same about those as I do about Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (May 20). Haven't we all already wasted 10 hours of our lives watching the first three movies of each series? How much of human life is lost in waiting for the end to come?
There are many more films already on the slate and there's probably a specific audience holding their breath in great anticipation for the 3D concert film Justin Bieber – Never Say Never (Feb. 11) but I'm keener to see Mel Gibson in The Beaver (April 8) about a depressed man who resorts to communicating through a hand puppet. It's directed by Jodie Foster, so you know it'll be good. That's all that really matters.
