Cave diving movie not that deep

Sometimes it takes a lot to impress a critic. I’m not easily swayed by new advances in technology. This has become especially apparent with the Age of RealD 3D. It is so strongly reminiscent of cinematic eras when moviemakers tried smell-o-vision or theatre seats that moved according to the action on screen.

Except for the fact that audiences have bought into the hype, this ridiculousness has about as much to do with capital ‘R’ reality as >Survivor or The Amazing Race. Here we are treated to the same kind of adventurous premise with the usual ‘inspired by a true story’ disclaimer. That doesn’t really mean too much in my books.

In Papua New Guinea a team of underwater cave divers go on an expedition to Esa-Ala, the largest and least accessible cave system on the planet. Naturally, it’s also the most treacherous. A tropical storm floods the surface entrance and forces the dive team to go deeper and deeper into the bowels of the opening in order to find salvation. It reminds me of that song Big Ol’ Jet Airliner. “You gotta go through hell before you get to heaven.”

Sanctum is not the kind of movie that you watch for stellar scripts or performances. It’s about action. You watch it for scenery and for action. If you didn’t realize that this was a big budget project then you’d probably think that it was some kind of pet project by a novice filmmaker backed by a high profile producer with deep, deep pockets. It’s the kind of exercise that exists only to satisfy some aspect of somebody’s ego. It pretends the technology behind it is more than sufficient to make the masses overlook the fact the story is so basic it’s only held together with as much plot and as little character as possible.

When a 3D film comes around, it almost makes me sad that so many millions of dollars will be wasted on chapters that do nothing for the story and everything to show off the effectiveness of how real it can look. In Sanctum we are even treated to a two-minute sequence where several characters are given a computerized demonstration of the cave system itself. It’s as banal as a slasher flick with the knife coming straight toward the screen. It might as well be a mechanical pencil ceaselessly clicking lead or a banana being peeled.

While it is kind of fun and kind of thrilling at times, it otherwise has nothing that hasn’t been done before and done better.

This is also acted by a bunch of overextended over-actors, the kinds of thespians hired for how well they will look in wetsuits rather than how deep their emotions are and how well they can be portrayed.

The whole of Sanctum makes me sad but looking past it, it is more like the height and the depth of the entire 3D phenomenon. It means that a film can be more interesting to look at but only on an entirely superficial level. There’s nothing whatsoever to watch here. The only impressive point is how the lighting technicians made an underground story so visible.

Go read a book, even if it’s a picture book. You’ll get so much more out of it.

There’s precious little for us to actually care about here. This life or death situation isn’t about cancer researchers or brilliant teachers trying to reach the downtrodden masses. It’s about rich kids who think that the world is a toy and they get in over their heads with a situation beyond their control. They have no concept of reality and it bites them in the butt. Sure it’s pretty but it doesn’t have any depth or substance.