The beginning of a new year means a fresh slate of movies to anticipate or avoid. Usually, January kicks off with a handful of serious and excellent movies along with an equal measure of real stinkers. Quentin Tarantino returns next week with a 70mm presentation of The Hateful Eight starring Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Samuel L. Jackson, among others. If you’re lucky enough to see the special format in a local theatre, would you let me know please? Otherwise, I’m stuck in a regular UltraAVX or D-Box theatre, possibly watching it in 3-D and wondering if Russell’s macho moustache is going to poke my eye out.
If one western isn’t your thing maybe another is. The Revenant marks the return of Leonardo DiCaprio as a frontiersman looking to exact some western justice after being left for dead by some people he used to trust. Alejandro González Iñárritu directs this intense flick, partially filmed in this province.
Maybe westerns aren’t your thing but modern standoffs are. Perhaps Michael Bay of all people can help you out with his retelling of a true-to-life tumult in 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. Personally, I’d rather watch anything directed by anybody other than Michael Bay. I’d rather watch a new adaptation of Citizen Kane by Vincent Gallo than anything Bay could spew out. I’d rather watch an Adam Sandler marathon. Still, Bay knows action over substance so come expecting gunfights.
The Finest Hours looks like much the same kind of U.S.A. trumpeting filmic delight as the previous entry. Also based on a true story, this finds the Coast Guard attempting a Cape Cod rescue attempt during a blizzard. That’s one way to get seasick while landlocked and sitting in a theatre. Better bring some anti-nausea medication.
That, or plan to see Kung Fu Panda 3 immediately after. Po the Panda faces his next challenge, although it never seems to be explained why he doesn’t speak Chinese.
That takes us to the end of January. The second month gets even more interesting as it starts with the Coen Brothers new film, Hail, Caesar! starring George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson and Tilda Swinton, among numerous notable others. It’s the laughable story of a 1950s Hollywood star who gets kidnapped and how it affects a movie in production. Expect Coenian absurdism that bears up to multiply repeated viewings. If you skip this for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies then you’ll get a different kind of absurdism. Jane Austen is probably rolling over in her grave at the thought of this monstrosity.
The film I’m most looking forward to is Deadpool starring Ryan Reynolds of all people. It’s billed as the anti-superhero movie as the main character is lippy, crass and sarcastic. Reynolds is the perfect casting choice. That will be the only time I ever get to say that.
Right after that, there’s Zoolander 2 the only sequel that I’m looking forward to. Our male models are back as they attempt to help stop a series of murders of high profile celebrities. Endlessly quotable lines of dialogue are expected to ensue.
For the families with kids, there’s Zootopia, Disney’s next animated movie featuring an entire menagerie of talking cartoon animals. There’s an amount of genius to marketing these movies where merchandising is more important than plot points. If cartoon creatures aren’t your thing then there’s the live action version of The Jungle Book. Oh, and Pete’s Dragon follows in the summer. Groan.
But mostly I value creativity even unorthodoxly weird creativity. That’s why I naturally gravitate toward Charlie Kaufman and his bizarre universes. Anomalisa is a stop-motion animated movie about an unspectacular man having a particularly spectacular moment in his life after meeting a stranger. This and Hateful Eight are two reasons why 2016 will be the year of Jennifer Jason Leigh’s big return.
It will also be Gal Gadot’s year. The relatively unknown actress has several big movies on the slate including Triple 9, Criminal and Keeping Up with the Joneses. It’s probably Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice that will likely get most people paying attention to her as she plays Wonder Woman, a character that will undoubtedly return in other DC Comics’ spinoff flicks.
Honestly, I won’t be lining up to see it. Ben Affleck in a cape and a mask with glowing eyes? Pass. His acting is already more wooden than one of those little mannequins that artists use to practise drawing the human figure. Likewise, I couldn’t care less for Captain America or X-Men any more. I’m done with all of these superheroes. Suicide Squad might be interesting but I don’t play video games or read many graphic novels so my sensibility for these kinds of things might be all out of whack for such an enterprise. I have no gauge for what Doctor Strange will behold.
But I am strangely keen to watch Money Monster, a new movie from director Jodie Foster. It’s a piece of fiction about a popular investment adviser on TV who gives a bad tip, leading to him being threatened by a disgruntled investor. One: it has a pretty poor title. Two: it has Julia Roberts and Clooney (again). They might be considered beautiful people but their names on the marquee are turn-offs to me. Is it too late for Amy Adams and Sam Rockwell to take their places?
Gods of Egypt has a trailer that seriously defeats all of my expectations for this movie to win any award, other than a Razzie. Everybody Wants Some, however, makes me desperate for a Richard Linklater marathon. The Nice Guys looks like another fine entry in Shane Black’s ‘noirish buddy cops at Christmas’ oeuvre. I am already certain that the dialogue will put Bad Boys to shame.
As for the rest of the year, I have moderate enthusiasm for Warcraft, Finding Dory, Independence Day: Resurgence, The BFG, and Ghostbusters, Ice Age: Collision Course.
I couldn’t care less about Star Trek Beyond, Guy Ritchie’s Knights of the Roundtable: King Arthur, and the next entry in the Jason Bourne series. I’m iffy on Inferno, the new episode in the continuing adventures of invincible symbologist Robert Langdon, as played by Tom Hanks.
Mostly, however, I must write one last note on Star Wars, considering the vast success of the incredibly bland The Force Awakens. Now that Disney owns the rights, we can expect a new SW film every year for the next several years. There will be merchandising unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Disneyland will soon have X-wing rides, certainly. And Rogue One, a new spin-off movie, arrives next December. I do not expect it to change my life like A New Hope did 38 years ago. Frankly, I don’t expect much from most movies these days.
