A few years ago, I was watching a television game show, and the host introduced the two contestants for the evening. I do not recall the first contestant’s name, but I sure do remember the second one, a young lady with the legal first name of “Ketchup.”
This was not a nickname, or a change of names, this was the official name her parents had given her and had recorded on her birth certificate.
The show’s host couldn’t refrain from commenting on the name, and used a few very dreadful puns about “relishing” her parents’ choice of names.
Ketchup herself seemed like a fine young lady, with a wonderful sense of humor, something she likely needed to employ on a constant basis considering her name.
All of this came to mind last Saturday as I attended my granddaughter’s first dance class, in Calgary. The class was aimed at young girls between two and three years of age, and in addition to my granddaughter, there were seven other young dancers in the class.
Since this was the first class, the instructor went around the room, checking the names of all her young students, and their mother’s names as well.
While the mothers’ names were straightforward (Laura, Cathy, Elizabeth, and similar others), the children’s names were an entirely different issue. The instructor managed to pronounce one of the names correctly (my granddaughter’s), but failed on the other seven.
I was not surprised, in fact, I not only got all seven wrong as well, but even after I heard the correct pronunciation, I still got five names wrong the second time.
All young parents view their children as something totally unique and special, and I can understand the temptation to give them a name that is also unique and special, but on this topic, caution is the better part of valor.
While “Cassastellopia” or “Acrinnialine” may be cute names for your one-year-old darling daughter, by the time they are 25, “Fendalonium” and “Astrabygalis” will not longer be saying “Thanks Mom and Dad.”
In most cases, people hearing or seeing these names cannot spell them, cannot pronounce them, and have no idea if the person is male, female, or even human.
Pity the poor hockey announcer trying to broadcast the game when Fendalonium passes the puck to Astrabygalis, only to have it stolen away by “Chillenagustas.”
Any listener to the game will assume he’s tuned into a discussion about new names for alien bacteria recently found on Mars.
Even simple names can spell trouble later in life. A true story. I knew a purchasing agent in Ohio named Starr Wadolowski. Starr did a good job, and was a very nice lady, but she ended up marrying Walter Brite, and became (you guessed it), Starr Brite.
“Cute” names also need to be considered as to how they sound over the person’s life span. While Flower is wonderful for a tiny little blonde two-year-old with pigtails, it doesn’t work so well when she becomes a 300-pound, 95-year-old battleaxe who hates the world and all its’ people.
Changing a name is an option, but it is time consuming, expensive, and doesn’t always achieve the objective in mind.
A high school friend of mine, Mike Shovelshitski, after hearing thousands of suggestions that he simply had to change his name, did so, but found the new one, Steve Shovelshitski, was no real improvement.
Please, let your deadbeat cousin name his children “Sprinkles” and “Zippity”, and save your children a lifetime of embarrassment.
When Brian’s first child was born, friends suggested the child be named after him, and simply registered as “Dummy.”
