“That’s karma!” … The most misunderstood words in the English language and usually spoken by people who profess to have more wisdom than they really do.
I learned this lesson the hard way when, after giving birth to my one and only child, who is a beautiful 22-year-old woman today, I soon developed mysterious ailments that stripped me of my perfect health. I spun out of control in an avalanche of emotional intensity consisting of the beauty and wonder of giving birth to new life while simultaneously feeling my own life force slowly seeping out of my bones. It was like experiencing Good Friday and Easter Sunday all at the same time!
At the lowest point of my despair and joy, while grappling with post partum moods mixed with the highs of prescription drugs, disease taking over my body, a marriage turning south, zero finances mixed with mounting student loans, and a thesis to write, I navigated through my days barely hanging onto my sanity.
No quick fix was in store for me. It was decades later before I regained my health. But in the midst of that storm, I found the courage to reach out to acquaintances for companionship and took the brave move of inviting one, whom I thought was a good candidate for friendship, over to our home for an evening of wine, cheese and conversation. She was a doctor with a perfect home, husband and life. Surely, I thought to myself, it would be safe to share with her elements of my saga.
As I retold my story to her in the hope of finding a compassionate word or two, she listened attentively to my tale and simply blurted those ill-fated words, “That’s karma!” while scarfing down a cheese ball.
I thought to myself how interesting that someone who does not know me at all suddenly has the universal wisdom to know that everything that has happened to me was because I must have done something to someone else, whom I do not know and of action I do not remember, and that all my suffering is justified and that that’s just the way the universe works. Wow, and I had only known her for one hour!
I realize now, some twenty years later, that people who resort to the utterance of “that’s karma” have a juvenile understanding of the way the universe is ordered. As I progress through my life with both its ups and downs, I begin to realize and appreciate the deeply mysterious elements of how events unfold and realize that neither you nor I have the capacity to know and explain why things happen to people the way they do.
One thing I do know for certain, however, is that every time someone utters “that’s karma” to another individual who is suffering, that person is professing wisdom they do not have and persecuting the suffering soul even more. A more appropriate response is to provide comfort for the person who is suffering and ask them if there’s anything you can do to help.
Time has taught me, “There is a time and season for every purpose under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and that neither you nor I have the wisdom to explain or understand their unfoldings. But to profess wisdom we do not have only serves to persecute those around us and amounts to nothing more than the sound of cymbals clashing in the night.
So button up and try to be useful. Open your heart, give your time, and lend a hand to your suffering friends. One day, it will be your turn to relinquish your life and the last thing you want to experience is a know-it-all scarfing down a cheese ball and spitting out the words, “that’s karma.”
Sharon Ryan teaches ethics for UCLA Extension.
