As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, I find myself running for shelter – yet again. The day of love comes upon us with a vengeance in mid-January with retailers stocking their shelves with everything red and romantic.
That’s when I know to start planning my own personal escape on this tortuous day so I don’t suffer too many insults upon my lonely heart. Like every single person, I have been accused of many false hypotheses about my own romantic inclinations ranging from being a feminist, a man hater and even a woman lover. All theories are incorrect.
In fact, I have come to realize that my singleness is due one hundred per cent to my deep affection for men rather than the opposite. It’s this intensity I possess that precludes me from committing to any man I have met in recent history. Not to say that there aren’t any equally romantically intense men out there but I haven’t met one.
I’m not sure if it’s our weather being less than tropical or if it’s a reverberation of the feminist movement but I have noticed that men are less warm and chivalric than I would prefer. And I am using the term “chivalry” in its purist sense, not in a cynical way.
Chivalry is a medieval phenomenon associated with knighthood, wherein men committed to an aristocratic warrior code of conduct encouraging them to live with honour, courtesy, bravery and courtly love. The knights vowed to protect the weak, be generous, fear God, be loyal, and honour women. That’s what I want. A knight!
Call it a princess complex. I don’t care.
Evidence of a knightly heart can be witnessed through a man’s public behaviour. Let me illustrate. Earlier this year, I found myself tramping through the University of Alberta campus waiting for the bookstore to open. I saw a beautiful and graceful young woman drop her mittens without realizing it. A few feet behind her, a young man noticeably saw her mittens fall to the ground as she continued to walk on.
I was relieved for a moment knowing he would undoubtedly rescue her. My relief turned to disbelief as he callously and consciously stepped right over them, almost right on them, without picking them up. I ran quickly to save the mittens and then turned the corner to find the young woman. As I tapped her on the shoulder, she broke into a big smile and told me they were hand knit for her. She was grateful beyond words. I thought about the young man’s insensitivity and realized he would never know what a miraculous opportunity he may have missed in introducing himself to that beautiful woman.
Feminists cite Nellie McClung in dispelling chivalry with her famous line, “chivalry is a poor substitute for justice.” But they hasten to complete the quote, “if one cannot have both.” I want both. I know women’s rights are continually evolving but we have come a long way baby and I believe we can have both. So let’s bring chivalry back because as Nellie McClung also stated, “Chivalry is something like the icing on the cake.”
I disagree with her, however, in her conclusion of that quote that icing is sweet but not nourishing. I find chivalry both sweet and nourishing and I’m not willing to settle. So as other women plan their romantic Valentine’s evenings with their own kings and princes, I will seek shelter and continue my wait to be rescued by a loyal knight who holds doors open for me, brings me flowers, and buys very expensive wine (that’s non-negotiable). If he cooks like a feen, that would be great. Garlic, ginger, and curry welcome. And if he knows how to ride a horse, then it’s a deal.
Oh yeah, being the true feminist that I am, don’t come looking for me. You will emerge in the dust of our natural landscape with your armour shining brilliantly with the light of truth, justice, bravery, fear of God, and followed by the aroma of your fabulous cooking skills. I will find you. I’m sure Nellie McClung would approve.
Sharon lives in St. Albert and teaches ethics for UCLA Extension.
