It's been quite a while since I bought a new car, but a few weeks ago, I took the plunge and bought some new wheels. Now, cars have certainly gone up in price since I bought my last new vehicle, but with interest rates being so low, I figure I can have my new buggy paid off as long as I can maintain full time, gainful employment until I'm 93. After that, I'm free and clear of the monthly payments.
As much as the price was a surprise, I think the technological changes that have occurred in vehicles over the last few decades is by far the most astounding feature of these new cars. This became quickly apparent when I went to pick up the new car. The salesman explained that handing over the keys and letting me drive off the lot was a thing of the past. Instead, they have to go through a training session that gets me comfortable with the car (and perhaps gets the car comfortable with me as well!). The training started with the salesman going through a number of set-up steps and programming my personal preferences into the computer. The first step was the language I wanted my car to use when it communicated with me. The choices were staggering, with every language from Arabic to Welsh, and most everything else in between. Unfortunately, I really wanted the language of my ancestors, but Gaelic was not on the menu, so I had to stick with plain old English.
The training session continued, as the salesman attempted to explain all of the other features of the vehicle, and the list was almost endless. The steering wheel alone took more than two hours to explain, since it moves out of the way when I try to enter the car, moves into position once I'm in the car, proceeds to move up and down, and in or out, until it's perfect for my style – plus a host of other movements that I've already forgotten. The trunk opens by itself and closes by itself, while the exterior mirrors keep adjusting so much that I often get dizzy. Even the headlights have a role to play as they determine when they are dirty, and then proceed to wash themselves. Meanwhile, the headlights are also busy adjusting to the angle of the road so that lights are always parallel to the ground.
I also discovered that I have the option to heat my steering wheel while simultaneously air conditioning my driver's seat, so now I can motor on with hot hands and a cold ass. I'm assuming this must be something I want since the car is telling me to turn on both systems.
The session continued to drag on and after a few more hours I was begging to be allowed to drive the car and go home. To speed up the session, I promised to read the manual as soon as I got home, however, the salesman advised that the manual is not located in the vehicle, as the car's suspension system cannot handle such an extreme weight. Rather, it gets shipped to me separately, on a truck, with a small forklift provided to help with the unloading and transfer into my home.
In fact, there is so much automation in this vehicle that I wonder why they don't just automate everything, take out the seats, install a bed, and let me nap while the car drives itself to my next destination?
Update: Unfortunately, Brian hit the wrong button and his vehicle now refuses to speak to him in any language other than ancient Sumerian.
