I feel like I’m sitting on a chair in a circle of people sitting on chairs. I imagine that we’re in a basement room of a community hall. Some people are smiling at me encouragingly, especially the one with the clipboard and pen. In my fantasy, I decide to take the plunge and tell my story.
Throughout most of my life, I’ve stopped liking any activity shortly after I began getting paid for it. As a result, paying my bills was a challenge. Eventually, I married someone who has a practical education. At first, she too was loathe to use her cultivated skills. And, worse, she wasn’t frugal like I am. But she eventually grew up and took the necessary steps to begin a career based on her education.
I bounced from job to job, losing even a job that seemed perfect for me. Paid work and I just couldn’t set aside our differences. But I spent a huge portion of time at activities that didn’t pay: volunteering, writing and performing songs, emceeing musical events, and —the hardest to admit — writing poetry. I did all sorts of work that I wasn’t paid for.
Out of sheer luck, I stumbled into a job in which I made my own hours and used my skills. I was making cold sales calls, pitching writing-training workshops. I wasn’t an employee; I was a contractor. I was surrounded by people with whom I got along, and I worked very close to my home.
Even though I sold no workshops, my employer basically promoted me by hiring me to teach the workshops, not just sell them. I climbed quickly and became the right-hand man at the company.
I still worked only part-time, and only from my home or at client offices. I kept up many extra-curricular activities, giving back to my community by volunteering in various capacities. It was a dream life. My commute was a few steps long, my co-workers were my cats, and I almost never saw my boss. I loved the worked and had been paid to do it for years. And I was 35 years old.
So, I’m here in this imaginary circle of chairs to confess, to share my story and offer and receive support. Yes, I am a reverse retiree.
I retired before I ever had a career. It’s been nice, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It hasn’t been a choice, really. I tried many times to swallow my pride and work for other people. I just failed. It took a minor financial cataclysm for me to realize the reverse retirement lifestyle has no financial future. No financial happy ending. Then I realized that freedom is a matter of perspective. Contrary to all the messages I heeded about not being a slave to the dollar or working stiff, paying one’s bills and saving for the future is freedom.
I spent a lot of my days indulging my addiction to free time. I wish I could get that time back. I’ve beaten myself up frequently because of my past. But I’m done with that. I now see that I can either start building my castle late or I can never build it all. A fresh start lies ahead of me thanks in large part to my saintly and patient wife. And, contrary to being ashamed, the best thing I can do is share my recovery story.
There’s no shame in being a reverse retiree. Just know that it is possible to change. It’s never too late. There’s no sense in throwing away the future just because the past includes mistakes. I know that my future holds exciting challenges and rewards, and that I’ll eventually be able to return to my part-time, work from home, volunteering-a-lot lifestyle. I’ve worked through the shame and I’m proud of myself. And you can be too.
Dave Lloyd is a writer and musician who grew up in St. Albert.
