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Don't disregard dastardly dog doo

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  |  Posted: Saturday, Feb 22, 2014 06:00 am

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It’s something you’d see in Gary Larson’s hilarious Far Side cartoons – the highly-intelligent, in-charge human picking up the leavings of a lowly, slobbering, flea-ridden canine. Who really is in charge?

Perhaps that’s why there’s more than a few St. Albertans who stubbornly refuse to pick up after their mutts – it’s simply beneath them. The very act defies the order of things. Humans are at the top of the animal kingdom, and damned if they’re going to pick up the refuse of their subordinates. After all, you don’t see the lion picking up the antelope’s poop.

These superior St. Albertans may be at the top of the food chain, but they’re at the bottom of the common courtesy chain. Doggy doo is smelly and disgusting to encounter. It’s even more disgusting to walk in the house with it unknowingly stuck to the bottom of your shoe. It also has a reciprocating effect on other four-legged residents of St. Albert. Doggie see, doggie do ... too. Where one walking flea circus drops dung, another fuzzy friend first wants to sniff, then do the same.

This is the Botanical Arts City, not the Fecal Parts City. We’re known for the lovely trees, the luscious green space and the beautiful pathways, not piles of stinky, sticky, stomach-churning dog crap.

The current city fine for failing to pick up after a dog is $258 for the first offence and $515 for second and subsequent offences.

Judging by the amount of dog doo lying around on hiking trails, sidewalks and boulevards, the existing city punishment isn’t resonating with some in the canine-owning crowd. As most people and virtually all dog owners know, dog doo builds up over the winter and if it’s not properly cleaned up, the wet, runny spring thaw also brings an incredibly disgusting mess.

Short of having a dog patrol that, when spotting an offence, leaps into action by rubbing, not the dog’s nose, but rather the owner’s nose in the fecal matter, does the Gazette dare offer suggestions? Yes.

Dog diapers are an option, and they’re not found just in Bugs Bunny cartoons. A quick Google search reveals several businesses in the area that offer dog diapers. One of them describes its product thusly: “Size large diaper for a male dog. Like new, only used for a couple weeks. Turquoise in colour, closes with velcro.”

Given its condition, we’re certain you can dicker with the merchant for a huge discount.

Or, because these humans are at the pinnacle of the food chain, perhaps they possess the intellect to actually figure out the purpose of those bags in the strategically-placed canisters throughout the city.


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